so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
