i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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