Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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