after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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