Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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