I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
