You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
