i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
