Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
