No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
then he tried to convert me to islam
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
