I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
