went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
barbara walters just said penis...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
