I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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