i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
why do cheetos always look like penises
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
