My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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