At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
