i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Come back. Shots need mouths.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
