just come out here and I will go home with you...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
