I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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