Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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