He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
