Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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