I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
