it hurts more in the daytime
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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