Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
