dude i'm inner monologue high
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
