He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
