Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
