May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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