Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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