Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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