i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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