With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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