bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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