So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
