Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
