I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So much rum. So many feels.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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