thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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