Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So apparently I’m into choking now
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