i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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