I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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