I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
