Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
