just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
