I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
