Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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