There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
