what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
