Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
