I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We are two peas in an std pod
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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