you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
