It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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